Sweet Surrender

I used to write. I would write so much I wondered if my life would be spent writing things that would not be discovered until long after I was dead. I didn't seem to care though; writing was about expressing what was taking place within me. It was about opening someone's eyes to discover and understand the things the Lord had revealed about me. I stopped writing awhile ago. I had a lot of ideas, but I had no words to describe the things inside of my heart. It was like staring out at the ocean in the midst of a hurricane... So much, so much struggle, so much anger, so much misunderstanding, and in the midst of it all I was trying to find my place in where the Lord wanted me. I was clinging to the lightpost praying for life, all the while just watching the intensity of the storm build. Then in one moment eveyrthing that He has been showing you over years of times seems to come together. It came together in another's writing. I read for the last week, like my life depended on it, and what was I getting out of this book, that at first glanse I had assumed was certainly not written for me! Apparently God had a message for me as well...
I have stood on many beautiful mountain tops and sought the heart of God, screamed at Him to reveal His desires for me. I have been all over the world praying over the lands, seeking to find the people to which I was called. I have changed my style, I have spoken different languages, and I have never felt satisfied. I have always had this depression that hung on my head, even in the midst of Joy, I know there would come an end. I tried to shake it. I tried to pray it away. I was told it was all pride. then tonight at 11:25 pm I realized something, I was missing the point. I had a desire and I wanted to find it. I had a plan and I wanted to live it out.
I had this picture of a tight rope walker. Crossing the grand canyon, and offering to the crowd would anyone else to try? That is life. I can stand on one side and be in awe of the people crossing this rope, and wonder what the side would be like, all too afraid to this myself, and then get sad when I realized the people around me where one by one leaving me on this side of the rope. see, faith is what causes you to even approach the tight rope. Because you believe. Surrender is when you realize the safety you have on solid ground is not safe at all. There is no safety except in this, That God has a plan for a our future. No where does Jeremiah 29:11 say that it is a safe and painless path. There is no safety when you are at war. Just cross the rope...
Second, open your eyes. On the way to work one rainy day, I was still carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders when I looked out my side window and saw a huge bright rainbow stretched across the sky, and the Lord spoke to my heart, "I have to hold myself back everytime I paint a rainbow..." I realize that I can hold on to life and live wait for what I want, or I can step up, step out, and open my eyes and see Him everywhere!
I just love being romanced by Him...