tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44348199861514425572024-02-02T14:34:39.487-08:00Just a Slice of LifeJamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01123935348503092506noreply@blogger.comBlogger40125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4434819986151442557.post-49238511969104163982010-03-09T21:34:00.001-08:002010-03-09T21:50:22.733-08:00SurrenderI cant remember the last time I wrote something on my blog instead of on facebook notes, but there seems to be something safe about this for right now. hidden from unwarented eyes...<br />Surrender is such a hard thing for me. And Im not talking about the type where we say it all day long everyday until it seems to be resolved Im talking about the kind where we actually open our hands and let go of it... Its hard. When something becomes important to me my natural tendancy is to hold it close, let it impact me... then when I am called to surrender it its like releasing a piece of myself. Its hard to see good things go even if there is faith of it coming back around again...<br />Its like if I am real and honest with myself I suppose there is a bit of doubt and misconception on my part. That God might be with holding something from me... Even though I know that is not the case. I KNOW... but there is still that piece in my heart that needs to believe it. That needs to be made real, and burned in... Which is probably why I am going through this lesson :-P<br />There is so much in the Bible about the time in between two events. Rebekah leaving her family, but yet not meeting her husband... the Israelites wandering through the desert destined from the promised land, but yet not there... Joseph in the prison cell... so much time spent surrendering... letting go of one thing in hopes that what He has will be so much greater... but also being harshly aware that it might be something other than what was expected. Even as I sit here and type out my sparatic thoughts though I realize that when they let go of something in faith of something good it always came, and it always seemed better than what they expected. Im sure Joseph never expected to be a leader quite like he ended up. Or Ruth at the feet of Boaz... Im sure she never expected that! :) Or any of the faithful in Hebrews 11... Who stepped out of what was "normal" and mediocre and risked their lives simply to walk in the goodness that god had for them.<br />I want to walk in his goodness. I want to receive the blessings he has for my life... I desire obedience and the joy of knowing I am walking in the path of a sovereign and just God...<br />But sometimes... the letting go is the hardest part.<br /><br />Jesus, I loosen my hands from this desire that I hold. I know I seem everyday to pick it back up again and clutch it white knuckled... I know it is just because I am afraid. I am afraid it will never be my turn. I am afraid that you're holding on out on me. Please show me that you do have a future and a hope for my life. that you have a plan... I know you know my desires and I pray that you burn away the ones that are not of you. I want you to be glorified in my life. I pray that you would continually fill me with yourself. That i wouldnt find myself empty in surrender, but that I find myself abounding. Blessed and joyful... I really do love you with all of me... help me to be true to that. I love you. Take this thing from me... and in your time I ask you to give to me what you have for me... I will wait. I will try my hardest to be patient... and when I feel like I cant I pray you would remind me I can. and equip me with the strength of each day to stand in the manner you see worthy. I love you. take all of me...Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01123935348503092506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4434819986151442557.post-88796390939559863462008-03-29T20:45:00.000-07:002008-03-29T20:47:13.250-07:00secretsThe rug is pulled<br />the dust scatters<br />like cockroaches fleeing the light<br />a cold wind<br />moves across the bare floor<br />that once hid the secrets of time.Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01123935348503092506noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4434819986151442557.post-15465328630894426222008-03-26T21:21:00.000-07:002008-03-26T21:42:05.202-07:00MessesWell, I have done what I do best ,once again, I messed things up. I dont understand myself. I dont understand how I do what I do. I dont heed advice, I dont listen to friends, I dont control myself, and then I hurt a lot of people. I am not going to get into the details I just have a few things that I have been challenged with, and so hopefully you can be challenged by them as well.<br /><br />1) PROCEED WITH CAUTION:<br /> Everytime I "learn a lesson" I ahve to go through the process of having it burned into my heart. It is like God takes a match and burns away the flesh, and scars my heart with a lesson that has been learned. My problem is that in my zealous efforts I learn the lesson in my head and forget that it will then be burned into my heart, forgetting this fact, I just truck through the next few weeks forgetting the very things that brought me to the lesson in the first place as though I have attained this lesson in life! And then, it will happen I will be thrown back two steps because I did not proceed with caution...<br /><br />2) JUST SAY SO:<br /> When I mess up it is my usual behavior to cover it up! Quick hide the evidence, lie!!! Do whatever it takes to save yourself and your reputation... whatever you do dont screw anything up! This last week I have learned just to say so... when you mess up just own it! When you sin just admit it! When you fail... Just take the consequences... Not only do you save yourself the stress of trying to cover it up, but then you actually reach the place of forgiving yourself. And even though it sucks for the people involved, you are forgiven by Christ!<br /><br />3) LOVE IS NOT EASY:<br /> It is easy to love superficially. When you dont know someones flaws an weaknesses it is easy to love them. A lot of my friends (I am not saying all) have done just that. See, when someone admits to their faults we need realize a couple of things. We are only good in Christ. We are not capable of anything more that that person! Then however hurt you might be close your eyes and think about how hard it is for a person to bear their sins in front of you... Adam and Eve were so embarassed that they hid themselves! Dont say you love someone and then decide you only love a part of them... Love bears all things... even each others weaknesses...<br /><br />I say all of this as the person who screwed up! It has sucked... I lost a couple friends... I lost trust... I gained a new perspective of myself, and of my pride. I have gained a new perspective of love... I am one step closer to living in love and grace... and the purging of my flesh as it comes out!<br /><br />Sorry to those of you involved, and for those of you who aren't well... just keep eveyrthing in your prayers!Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01123935348503092506noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4434819986151442557.post-47395553462346968192008-03-19T21:13:00.000-07:002008-03-19T21:35:10.729-07:00The Way to FreedomOk, I know I haven't written in ahwile... GASP! I am actually posting something!!!<br /><br />It has taken me awhile to learn this lesson, and so that is why I have not written. I ahve been wrestling and rolling around with some issues that the Lord has been addressing in my heart.<br /><br />The past few months I have been struggling. I have struggled with who I am? Why am I here? What is this teaching me? What does the Lord have for me? When I am faced with BIG decisions I learn BIG lessons. Instead of living my life based on the questions I have been wrestling around with I chose to kinda step back and watch other people live life while I prayed through these things. Not that I stopped living... I just decided to be quiet and sit down and just watch.<br /><br />I noticed some interesting things. I have been stuck in this place of looking at my heart and mourning my sin, being broken before the cross, feeling frustrated at why I just cant be victorious over certain things. It has sucked!<br /><br />So a few nigths ago I was looking at my wall, and the art that I had drawn. At the foot of my bed is a cross that has all of these things hanging from it... chains, beer bottles, books... a crown... anything that a person could possibly be enslaved to. Then written above it in bold letters is says freedom!<br /><br />A few things crossed my mind as God poured thoughts into my mind... first, Where are all the people who were in bondage to those things? They are not before the cross... Who is before the cross? I realized that I live my life before the Cross... My worship comes from a place of before the cross... (this might not make sense now, but it will if you keep reading). My communion comes from a place of before the cross... I am before the cross with a lot of other people, and it is before the cross that I seek out my God. But it isnt in looking at the cross that leads me to despair in my own sin. Its when I start looking around and comparing myself with others that I find myself despairing because I am not good and I am not capable!<br /><br />then I closed my eyes and started praying. The cross was not about me. Jesus did not die for ME... He died because it glorified the Father. the Father's purpose was not for my reward either! It was so that I can glorify Him as well! FREELY! As I was praying God gave me this picture of me holding my herat weeping over myself before the cross... and then all of the people were gone... So i left seeking comfort for myself as I mourned my heart.<br /><br />I found myself at the tomb... I went inside and yelled out in pain, "WHO AM I?" and the echo of emptiness answered back.... "It doesn't matter..." I did this a few times then I turned and realized where I was... Look at His power! He rose! Look at His willingness! He died! Look at His grace! He was Silent! WHO AM I... I ask.... and He answers... "It doesnt matter! It is all about who I am!"<br /><br />It is so easy to be stuck in the place before the cross with our heart in our hands... Mourning ourselves. We are so easily stuck on the pursuit of understanding who we are. We are not found at the cross, we are not found in the tomb... we are only found in HIM, because it doesnt matter who we are! Its who HE is... He is not found at the cross... He is not found in the tomb... He is not limited to space... He is alive... seek HIM in everything...<br /><br />Those chains and bottles and books on the cross on my wall belonged to people who relaized that who they were and the things they were enslaved to didnt matter anymore, because God is so much greater! Thats why I didnt find them standing before the cross mourning their wickedness... they found the tomb and realized that He is alive! and went and sought after His life; they didnt seek after His death... That is the way to freedom.Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01123935348503092506noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4434819986151442557.post-15615861693063556992008-02-13T00:35:00.001-08:002008-02-13T00:35:47.758-08:00no news...i really just dont have anything to write about... school, cheer, life... same ol same ol...Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01123935348503092506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4434819986151442557.post-33445896270651846852008-02-03T13:34:00.000-08:002008-02-03T13:55:05.690-08:00Wall artSo life in a dorm can be pretty lame sometimes... ok maybe not for most people! But I seem to have this issue with the fact that I'm never really included. It used to bug me, but lately I just find things to do... I made curtains for my bed... I made a couch cover... I decorate the room, and then this girl on my hall made mention of the fact that we can draw on our walls using washable crayons... I must admit I got really excited! I have nothing else to do, and that sounded fun... so, I got me some washable crayons... and I drew and I drew and I drew... now I'm not at ALL artistic... ask my roommate... I am thrifty and creative, but artistic is a far cry from describing me...<br />So I just decided to put music on and have fun while I colored... Well this is what came out...<a href="http://localhost:63835/6473c05b646938d0b195937f46fa0bbb/image1125.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_" style="CLEAR: both; FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px" alt="" src="http://localhost:63835/6473c05b646938d0b195937f46fa0bbb/image1125.jpg?size=320" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://localhost:63835/67f1cf1d8dd03e17b625baa5485ffc9d/image1126.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_" style="CLEAR: both; FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px" alt="" src="http://localhost:63835/67f1cf1d8dd03e17b625baa5485ffc9d/image1126.jpg?size=320" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://localhost:63835/72c974dca56c95481557edfe5efce1ce/image1127.jpg"></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://localhost:63835/72c974dca56c95481557edfe5efce1ce/image1127.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_" alt="" src="http://localhost:63835/72c974dca56c95481557edfe5efce1ce/image1127.jpg?size=320" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br />They are kind of hard to see being that I dont have a good camera and the flash kept reflecting off the wall... but the first one is based on the verse Proverbs 4:23 guard your heart with all diligence for out of it spring the issues of life... it is a heart with the crown of thorns guarding it from the strike of the serpent...<br /><br />The second is a cross that represents John 8:32... which says and you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.... it has different things that people can be in bondage to. The chains, the crown, the books, the bottle.... religion (the necklace)... and the growth at the bototm of the tree represents the fact that life is found at the foot of the cross...<br /><br />The third is my picture of peace... It represents Genesis 1:31 where God looked down from heaven saw everything that he had made and said, "Indeed it is very good." its a lake with a little sunrise, and a boat with a fishing pole... just peaceful and pretty... I like it!<br /><br />So, go buy some washable crayons and draw on your walls! it makes for a fun day!Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01123935348503092506noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4434819986151442557.post-32299604187426341782008-02-01T11:00:00.000-08:002008-02-01T11:10:33.001-08:00new beginingsSo this was the first week of school for the new spring semester. I know that starting over is always hard, because let's face it how many times have I had to start fresh in a new place all over again. I think we decided the average for my life was like 6 months or something.<br /><br />So, I'm in that place again. I am in a new dorm, new classes, and have some new friends. I am back to the place I am always brought back to where God whispers in my ear, "Just be who I made you to be..." That is my struggle. Being myself. I have come down with a case of massive social anxiety, and the thought of having to say my name in a seeting with more than 4 people makes my herat start to pound! Ironic being that I won so many speech competitions in high school.<br /><br />Then I find myself back here at my computer sucked into my writings. When I have something to say I just type it up and post it somewhere... Either here or on our hall floor folder; thats funny, because no one knows who the really smart girl is that keeps posting these challenging devotions! :) I like it that way.<br /><br />Anyway, classes are excellent! I am already itching to get started on them all... I cant wait! Its not just the classes, but my teachers this semester are really into their classes not just as a subject but in the students! I cant wait to see how God moves amonst the people in my classes.<br /><br />community, it has been a major pull in my life for quite awhile now. If you havent read my ramblings about community go look for them... EVERYONE needs to read them!!! Anyway, I am having a hard time getting into it. It feels already established and like they look at me with eyes that say, "Who is that girl?" And I get stuck with that question in mind... Who am I? Who I am to be to them? Obviously I know I am to be everything Jesus was to us, but am I to be their prophet? Am I to be their Love? Am I to be their thorne in their flesh? what will this year bring me to be to them.<br /><br />I dont know... but I cant wait to just watch the plans of the Lord unfold before me... I love to see His handy work!Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01123935348503092506noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4434819986151442557.post-45019902737173946332008-01-21T00:52:00.000-08:002008-01-21T01:12:14.139-08:00ExpectationsI have been thinking over expectations... You know when you put on your headphones and sit back and just watch... I sat outside on the grass today, partly because I was too sore to move, and partly because I was penssive.<br />I started think about cheering at the game last night... I have a black eye and bruises all over my leg, and not because we did anything wrong, but the wounds are simply proof that we did everythign right... my backspot gripped my leg so tightly she gave me bruises... when I was caught on the way down i got a fist in my face that gave me a black eye... i got a cut on my wrist because I stayed tight on the way down in my show and go and caught someone's bobby pin... and it clicked... sometimes what is good is not what we expect.<br />As I layed back and looked up at the sky I started thinking... who would have thought that we use the stars to represent freedom, shoot for the stars we say... but yet in the midst of LA in the midst of a country so controlled by freedom, we have lost sight of the stars... we have become enslaved to freedom itself! sad...<br />I am going to be bold and type some things on here I must admit I'm not sure I want everyone reading, for once in the life of this blog I am praying that the only people who really read this is Rose and Char... ;)<br />I had expectations for my life... I had it all planned... and I let go of that when I tried out for cheer here at Biola, and I am happy. I am going to college, something I thought would never happen! I am a flyer on a college cheer team, something I never thought was possible! I am building into community, slowly but strongly... making firm foundations, and I never knew it could be as great as it is!<br />I met some girls on my floor last night and I let go of my social anxieties and I had a lot of fun... It was like being able to breath again after you choke really hard on something...<br />I had a picture in my mind of what love would look like... and instead of surrendering it the Jesus I went looking for it... I looked for it for a long time! I fought for it even, but then, I surrendered my expectations and it seems as though love has found me. Not at all what I tohught it would look like. Not at all what I thought it would be, but it makes so much more sense than what I was looking for...<br />I suppose the Jews missed their messiah because he was not who they expected. I suppose that the slaves freed from the south did not expect that the underground railroad they heard about would be led and established by a woman, or who would have expected Rahab to be involved in the plot siding with the God of the universe. I suppose the outcome was not expected when they split the first atom...<br />Expectations hold us back from the Bigger things God has in store... sometimes all we have to do is surrender our expectations and watch as God pours out all the things He had in store! Just a thought... what do you think?Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01123935348503092506noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4434819986151442557.post-33771594052654283702008-01-16T19:07:00.000-08:002008-01-16T19:13:26.308-08:00adopt a soldierOk, so, my roommate and I have adopted a soldier. We dont have a name or an address yet, but I am really excited. My ex-boyfriend was in the Army and deployed, and I did a pretty good job of sending him what he needed (or wanted mostly). Being so closely connected with so many soldiers myself I know the struggle they face mentally being in such a place. Esp. the soldiers on the front lines. So, if you have a few extra stamps a month I think you should all adopt a soldier and make it a family project... have the kids draw pictures and every other week just drop it in the mail. The best part are those flat rate boxes... whatever you can shove in them you can send for like 8 bucks! so once a month spend 15 bucks on a box and once a week drop a letter in the mail! it will make their day! and if you get a soldier who can write back that is even more amazing, because it become stotally educational! So, Char, Rose, and uhhh any of you Biola students who have a few bucks to spare (and dont pretend like you dont it's like 41 cents to mail something!)... go to <a href="http://www.soldiersangels.com/">www.soldiersangels.com</a> and sign up to recieve your new ministry opportunity!!! ;)Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01123935348503092506noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4434819986151442557.post-52794517774169388412008-01-15T18:00:00.000-08:002008-01-15T18:04:03.123-08:00Revelation of the day!ok, so today while I was making some disgusting dorm food... you know? Easy Mac?! SICK right? I know I know... well, first of all I didnt know we had a full kitchen down stairs! so on our hall we only have this little counter and a microwave and a sink... well, today while Im making my easy mac something smelled so good, and someone had left their water pot in the sink so I assumed someone made osme instant soup. Then while I was stirring in the cheese and thinking this is so unnatural... I looke to my left, and there on the counter was the most engenious idea I have yet to come across at Biola... A CROCK POT!<br />HELLO? Someone hand that girl a check for some money, because that is so smart! I mean think about it... you throw your chicken and your veggies in in the morning, and put it on slow cook and come back and you have dinner!!!! And it smelled so good... I wish i wish I could have a good healthy home cooked meal! sigh...<br />I am buying a crock pot!Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01123935348503092506noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4434819986151442557.post-44070208834487322452008-01-15T01:22:00.000-08:002008-01-15T01:39:11.908-08:00in·som·ni·a- /ɪnˈsɒmniə/ [in-som-nee-uh]Insomnia- inability to obtain sufficient sleep, esp. when chronic; difficulty in falling or staying asleep; sleeplessness...<br /><br />I have these spells of sleeplessness that seem to take place every week or so. I will become completely exhausted from them, and then sleep really well for 3 days or so, and then return to my insomnia. Even when I believe myself to be getting a good nights sleep I have been informed I do not. Apparently I talk and walk, and even eat in my sleep! and when I do remain in my bed I am consciously thinking even while I am asleep if that is possible. I will sit up every hour or so and check to make sure the clock is still telling me it is the middle of the night and you are still not sleeping.<br /><br />I thought I slept better than I did until I was in Fresno over Christmas and after a few nights of sleeplessness decided to accept the offer a sleep aid. I woke up nine hours later... I still am in complete disbelief that that is how normal people sleep! I am now serisouly contemplating the idea of using aids to sleep on a regular basis.<br /><br />I used to be afraid of the night time. The darkness the shadows... I can recall playing too many games of sardines with the big kids, and hearing too many ghost stories on camping trips! However, last night while I was unable to sleep I left my room and went outside to go for a walk in the night air. It was smooth and refreshing (there are not many times a person can say that about the air in Los Angeles). I couldnt help but sigh when I became distracted by a fear of a dark section in the bushes, and then I simply shrugged it off being to tired to even give into the emotion of fear itself. and I just looked to the bush and walked right through it, and then as I stood on the other side I looked back at it, and kind of chuckled to myself... nothing there!<br /><br />I dont know why i am telling you this, maybe because I am exhausted and wish to sleep but cant help in my bed eyes wide and think. I think too much. I plan too much. I worry too much! I suppose that when things like this very walk take place it gives me a little glimmer of hope that God is making progress in my life. So, I simply share them...<br /><br />rose since you are the only person who reads these I suppose I should just start writing to you.<br />I was thinking, as I looked at the pictures of your kids, how long you have known me. Junior high school I believe. We would sit on that front sectional couch and you would have your hair in those two pigtail buns and you would always make sure I was brought back to focus when I started to drift away into ADD land... And I can remember my joy, and my fearlessness... I was happy. I had Jesus and the rest of life could have gone to hell in a hand basket... Where did I go? When did I loose myself, that now I have the greater struggle of reclaiming who I am in Christ...<br /><br />I suppose that is the source of my insomnia. I am fighting with all of my being to live in Christ. I am glad that that is my struggle. Life in Christ; I suppose it is more of a blessing than anything else when you think about it. Well, sleep well to you all.... I am off to watch the stars shine!Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01123935348503092506noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4434819986151442557.post-42451876852534745772008-01-13T16:22:00.001-08:002008-01-13T16:22:54.905-08:00just thoughts...I read over my multiple blogs a day, and can only see a testimony of the amount of free time I have on my hands. That expression, free time, it’s sad to me. The word time in today’s society represents something we have become enslaved to. I look at society around me, and in my desperate plea for community, realize it has been lost with our enslavement to time. We are enslaved to money, because it makes the world go round, and without it we believe we cannot survive. We are enslaved to titles and appearance… Success screams out to us with its demands. We stop our busy schedule to go to church on Sunday morning, and engage in an hour or so service that draws us back to the Almighty one, and offers us peace. Yet Monday morning we awake to the call of the alarm clock the ringing of the phone with it’s demands. But why? What are we laboring for? I have been so caught up in getting myself ahead I have forgotten that the people around me are not just faces, but souls.<br />I sat across the table from the mother of one of the children I tutor. After an assessment of her child had to bear the bad news that her daughter was farther behind than we expected. I had a peace about it. After all, I reassured her, that in time we would get her caught up. I looked into the eyes of the woman and God spoke to my heart, do not speak to her mind, speak to her soul. I looked down quickly, mildly embarrassed that I had forgotten she was my ministry in that moment, and looked back up into her gaze and with much assurance said, after all, god did not place these expectations on her, the school system did, so we will teach her with her heart, and not just the books…<br />I once lived a life without anything. I look back and see how stressed I should have been, but yet how God provided at every turn of my life exactly what I needed in each moment. I was at peace. My pace was a slow pace because it was lived in the rhythm that God had set before me.<br />I suppose that for some the rhythm God has set for them is one of a fast paced life; where stress does not affect them, where they are at peace in the midst of chaos. I also suppose that this is why I am a burden bearer, I see stress and want to help alleviate the pressure that the standards of the world have placed on the individual.<br />When I was in the Philippines there was a house that we visited often. It was a rich family with three kids; their names I do not remember. However, the father of this household was a leader in the community, perhaps of the government I don’t recall the exact status of his family standings. The house was always stressful as a matter of fact I can recall taking a big breath before entering and thinking silently to myself here we go… It was as if he thought that stress made him appear to be more important and needed, and after all isn’t that what validates a person, being needed? On the third floor of the house however, there lived three children. It was not until my second visit that I excused myself to go see where all the laughter was coming from. As I opened the door at the top of the stairs I startled three children rather greatly! They all quickly stood to their feet looking down at the floor out of respect. I looked over two little girls and one little boy. The youngest of them, a girl, looked up at me with curiosity; why had I come upstairs? She smiled at me, as I quietly laughed. In that very moment I was pulled into the biggest pillow fight I had ever been in. Laughs rang out until we were all too tired to laugh anymore.<br />As we all laid on the floor breathing deeply the oldest girl spoke up, “Our nanny has the night away on Tuesdays” she said. “Which is why we play here, we are not to get along with the adults.”<br />“Why is that?” I aksed her.<br />“Tatay says we can make it hard for people to focus on his words.”<br />“Do you think His words are so important?” I asked the girl.<br />She looked at her brother for a little help with the answer to what could have come across as a tricky question.<br />The boy spoke quietly, “We don’t believe his words.”<br />I didn’t really say anything just looked back into the eyes of three children who had been sent to the third story of their house so as not to be a distraction. In the eyes of those children that man had failed to be all he said he was, and so they did not believe him at his words, sad.<br />What was more important? That that man provide in excess for his family? That he kept up all his business relationships? Or the three little kids up stairs who had lived with the man their whole life, and only learned not to trust him?<br />This is not an attempt to enlighten a person on family, because family is only part of the picture. But what of the woman who serves you at the grocery store? Or the delivery boy who delivers your pizza? What of the baby sitter who you entrust the lives of your children to? (that was a loaded question). Does it only matter the amount of time we study for an exam? Or the grade we receive for our efforts in a certain class? Does it matter that we give 110% of ourselves in our work that we might be the best for the Glory of the Lord, but fail to see the people around us that need community?<br />Community is not just about us receiving, but about us giving back into it. For once, open your door, and realize you have something to give back to community. More than your business and your finances. More than your intellect and your efforts. You have a soul that has been touched by Jesus Christ; a powerful touch at that. Open your door and touch others… See the joy that comes when you understand the laughter at the top of the stairs. Life is not defined by titles or social status, but by the touch with which you have been touched with, and with which you touch others. Impact.Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01123935348503092506noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4434819986151442557.post-62096449342039746652008-01-12T23:44:00.000-08:002008-01-12T23:45:14.792-08:00funny funny funny!!!<a href="http://www.timhawkins.net/">www.timhawkins.net</a><br /><br />watch this guy he is really funny!!!Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01123935348503092506noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4434819986151442557.post-17022949953756207132008-01-12T19:57:00.000-08:002008-01-12T20:43:06.856-08:00Why God is... well... GodSo, tonight I went to church (which ironically has become a fear of mine) I went to church alone... I didnt think about it. I just got online and found a service. I got dressed. I got in my car and drove there... So many times on the way I thought I shouldnt go. I should just go home. When I got there no one was engaged in worship, and I thought <em>this is not for me... I should just leave</em>, but something drug me to church and so I must have been there for a reason... Then the pastor stood up, and I thought <em>this is so commercialized I should just go</em>... He prayed... Empty words? and I asked the Lord, <em>Why cant he just talk to you like a person without the show Lord... why did you bring me here</em>?! He put a peace over me, and whispered, "<strong>shhh, just listen</strong>..." Music started playing and a video flashed across the screen... names of <strong>hereos</strong>... names of <strong>Courageous</strong> Bible characters that changed the world... Rahab, Joshua, David, Paul...names of historical figures who had a great <strong>impact</strong> on society... Martin Luther, Anne Frank, Martin Luther King Jr...<br />My heart jumped with excitement... I want to be like that...<br />Then a quote appeared on the screen... "<strong>Courage is not just one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at it's testing point</strong>." C.S. Lewis<br />Then another "<strong>Courage is contagious. When a brave man takes a stand, the spines of others are often stiffened</strong>." Billy Graham<br />then one more... "<strong>Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear</strong>." Ambrose Redmoon<br />On the edge of my seat I was excited for what this service was going to be about, then I saw that word... the word that rings deep in my heart; <strong>fear</strong>. I sat back quickly! The pastor prayed again, and had us all open our Bible to Joshua. Ironically just as we all turned there he let out a sigh and told us to close them. With to the point, very direct words he humorously put us in Joshua's place. Moses' eduaction, his time in the courts of Pharoah, His pleas with Pharoah himself... Who could fill the shoes of such an amazing leader... Then God points to Joshua... I won't sum up the whole sermon for you, but I will hit the main points.<br />FEAR: F-False E-Evidence A-Appearing R-Real<br />Fears are mental... 90% of our fears will never happen! Courage acts in spite of fear... When God told Joshua to send the Ark of the Covenant into the Jordan before the people, Fear said this is not a smart plan, not only are we going to loose people in that river we are going to loose the most important thing we have in that river!<br />When God told Joshua to march around Jericho 13 times total and blow horns at the wall... Fear said, this is not a smart plan... they are going to stone us from the tops of the wall... Only after they mock us for six days! I learned about the construction of Jericho... The walls were not supported other than by the house that were built right up againt them on the inside of the wall... So, was it the blows of the trumpets that brought the walls down? What if you put a whole city on top of those walls and have them crowd and push to the outside to see what was goin on down below? Maybe to have them mock and throw things at the people down there? Were their weight cause the unsupported walls to crash down to the outside? Probably so!<br />So many times in life, We look at the situtaion, and try to make a good plan. something reasonable that fits and makes sense, but God says, MMM Try this! and we look up at Him, and with the intensity of an ant through our fist up and tell Him He is crazy! We know better...<br />All of our rebellion is out of fear... it is out of False Evidence that Appears to be Real. We think we know...<br />What do we really have to fear? With an all-knowing God. With an all-powerful God. With an eternal God. With a loving God... What do we really have to fear?<br />Joshua 1:9... go look it up! and know that THAT is the truth of our reality!Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01123935348503092506noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4434819986151442557.post-61318927757588217672008-01-12T17:01:00.000-08:002008-01-12T17:01:29.172-08:00<div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgesJOzKYs2M9RWGBBSWRewA1M_smfJngE_Lf0D-ZsTIWQswn12PY0Z5N2VxAfKe9CNMAfG0DkeXPBjxAD0UyGK7xeb9L2XbqqXtXR5BQL6gmaHmEBjS5MiQId3a0BkE_JrIeGqhsDBw1Mt/s1600-h/HPIM0357.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgesJOzKYs2M9RWGBBSWRewA1M_smfJngE_Lf0D-ZsTIWQswn12PY0Z5N2VxAfKe9CNMAfG0DkeXPBjxAD0UyGK7xeb9L2XbqqXtXR5BQL6gmaHmEBjS5MiQId3a0BkE_JrIeGqhsDBw1Mt/s400/HPIM0357.JPG" border="0" /></a> </div><br /><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJLLXXKPvupl0f-Hw6Orr-iJ8_jdrv7qBXTrbe7pmVkALD0aXoZjf-MvbsiLG9auvzDHLHmIziPLV22bAOb9_Unbmx-2fXKfbTPp9r8UFLKn62OjXnaDkOTsm-xb4yNEmcSdnKlFEkFesY/s1600-h/HPIM0363.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJLLXXKPvupl0f-Hw6Orr-iJ8_jdrv7qBXTrbe7pmVkALD0aXoZjf-MvbsiLG9auvzDHLHmIziPLV22bAOb9_Unbmx-2fXKfbTPp9r8UFLKn62OjXnaDkOTsm-xb4yNEmcSdnKlFEkFesY/s400/HPIM0363.JPG" border="0" /></a> </div><br /><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzqzJ76lg2UlAPL3DFm88Cm_kEh-hIsKLRifZJxRKOOnT3cTvolZAeR_JYrF5G0z33p6pxm6rGFw-dYkAFbtAehPC4i7d7kSZuoGkJwnVSee545CSDaLvVbB69iP6MLGvlfzwXnWdKHh1b/s1600-h/HPIM0364.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzqzJ76lg2UlAPL3DFm88Cm_kEh-hIsKLRifZJxRKOOnT3cTvolZAeR_JYrF5G0z33p6pxm6rGFw-dYkAFbtAehPC4i7d7kSZuoGkJwnVSee545CSDaLvVbB69iP6MLGvlfzwXnWdKHh1b/s400/HPIM0364.JPG" border="0" /></a> </div><br /><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMigSez1sIFZs8_4k5pD8Otkb6f0XL5_Jkpei9ROs5hSw0VIzv5EAirHwkjik6dO4uol_dy9i1gjf01ogWv1aFEmw_ETHAuZ2I7KXYhBeDYrXKq5pBICJNEfldrWe-8oZgmU5RlVqZSnTD/s1600-h/HPIM0359.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMigSez1sIFZs8_4k5pD8Otkb6f0XL5_Jkpei9ROs5hSw0VIzv5EAirHwkjik6dO4uol_dy9i1gjf01ogWv1aFEmw_ETHAuZ2I7KXYhBeDYrXKq5pBICJNEfldrWe-8oZgmU5RlVqZSnTD/s400/HPIM0359.JPG" border="0" /></a> </div>This is the sunset view from my dorm room! Does it get any better than that?! I think not... I am blessed oh so blessed!<div style='clear:both; text-align:CENTER'><a href='http://picasa.google.com/blogger/' target='ext'><img src='http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif' alt='Posted by Picasa' style='border: 0px none ; padding: 0px; background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 50%; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial;' align='middle' border='0' /></a></div>Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01123935348503092506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4434819986151442557.post-58232259743457202442008-01-12T13:01:00.000-08:002008-01-12T13:07:47.486-08:00the Mark of The LionOk, so first let me start by saying DONT TELL ME WHAT HAPPENS! I"M NOT FINISHED YET!!!<br /><br />I started reading the Mark of the Lion series over Christmas... I was sucked in and pretty much had my nose in the book the whole week! I am on book two now... chapter 13... But it was only last night I realized something... Lame that it took me this long, but I realized why the series was called the mark of the lion... like I said lame I know!<br /><br />I am so sucked into it though... if you havent read it... READ IT... if you are a mother of small children... find a babysitter for a week before you start!<br /><br />Ok, on another note. I hate living in the hub of Southern California... There is no escape! I think to myself I want to go for a walk through nature alone and just enjoy what God has given me, and spend some time with him... first struggle, CRAP, I have to go find nature... Second, when you do find nature EVERYONE is there... This is January people... who goes to the beach? I mean its cold outside! I just wanted to sit on the shore and watch the waves... but I ended up sitting on the shore watching this massivly obeese woman with her three kids in the water... so I laid back and closed my eyes... then I realized wait! I came to enjoy the scenery! sigh... so lame!Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01123935348503092506noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4434819986151442557.post-52141410178272862008-01-10T11:28:00.000-08:002008-01-10T11:53:20.009-08:00ConnectingSo there is this book that I have been reading a few chapters at a time cause its not mine its my friends, so I only get to read it when Im over there...<br />Anyway, it's called connecting. It basically takes a claim that most of our issues in life could be solved through community. Ironically as I was reading I realized two things; Community is what I need! Second, Community is what I am scared of the most!<br />But I fully have enjoyed this book so far. So many times as Christians we come across someone who is lonely or depressed or struggling with sin and we give them the typical CHristian answer I'll pray for you. But then what?! Nothing... we just ask how they are when we see them, because we have become so caught up in the business of the world around us we have no community anymore! No wonder sin reigns so boldly in our lives... without connecting we loose accountabilit... Not the righteous accountability that lives out of righteous works but the natural knowledge of the other persons deepest soul... that kind of accountability. We wonder why widows can not be comforted and why evangelism is so difficult now a days... without community and connections we can not fully care for the widow... we have no safe fold to bring a non christian into and watch as they begin to connect to us in a way we can lead them to Christ.<br />This community is NOT the church as a whole... its smaller groups of people that go through life together... that live the necessary walk daily and connect.<br />Jesus thought it so important he put the command me as commandment number two! Love your neighbor as yourself... If we are real with ourselves we will see that our desire is not to be left alone. It is to recah out and connect and be connected with... that is what the world needs! Love... unconditional love, not this I'll pray for you passive love!<br />So, then why would I be so afraid of it? Well, first I recognize that at one point I was a part of community, but in my sin I hurt that very community. and when I thought of all people who ought to know how to forgive they ought to know how to forgive right? Christians who have themselves been forgiven. So, I was open and honest about my sin, and I received back an unpleasent respones. One that yelled at my face and told me how very wreched I was; as if I was unaware... One that, to say the least, sent me back out of community. But if community is established for the purpose of connecting, unconditional love, and true growth than it ought to be the safest place to admit sin and seek forgiveness and recognize that in each of us there is a desire to grow... In that we would be free to forgive. That is what community ought to be...<br /><br />I am very much ranting right now, and totally ready to step off my soap box!<br />I am going to start praying for this kind of community!Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01123935348503092506noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4434819986151442557.post-38367604417920066862008-01-09T12:40:00.000-08:002008-01-09T12:40:11.750-08:00This is my team!!! I love them all dearly! Aren't we cute!?<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG3CPpDC84NOt1_1ACc1cfJSskXUhN1Cl9yq1OQYFzT7lqCu_P-s0wrEroH0SBPAMdEvijkgck_PXHlKDymEniLc34FZPOkxe2FcN5oaMvCm8rfL99WgzJiS3tV3Kh6U6vHO_rnzlUqmXD/s1600-h/USE+THIS!.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_" style="CLEAR: both; FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG3CPpDC84NOt1_1ACc1cfJSskXUhN1Cl9yq1OQYFzT7lqCu_P-s0wrEroH0SBPAMdEvijkgck_PXHlKDymEniLc34FZPOkxe2FcN5oaMvCm8rfL99WgzJiS3tV3Kh6U6vHO_rnzlUqmXD/s320/USE+THIS!.jpg" border="0" /></a><div style='clear:both; text-align:LEFT'><a href='http://picasa.google.com/blogger/' target='ext'><img src='http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif' alt='Posted by Picasa' style='border: 0px none ; padding: 0px; background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 50%; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial;' align='middle' border='0' /></a></div>Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01123935348503092506noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4434819986151442557.post-29208564070907661242008-01-08T15:23:00.000-08:002008-01-08T15:36:57.840-08:00The Great BreakdownLife... what is it? where is it found? is it possible to have life, abundant life, and yet not live it?<br />At the end of 2007 I spent a week away... away from disfunction away from stress... in solitude to an extent. Just what I needed... God spoke so boldly to my heart about my fears, my emotions, my walls, my failures... All the things I denied for so long.<br />For so many years of my life I stood strong in my pride and my strength, denied my fears and my falling shorts; afraid to fall on my knees in sheer weakness. As I looked at my Bible and the calendar nothing could deny that I was being broken. My fears were real. My strength was nothing. My pride fell down and stood before God alone.<br />It was if I hid from everything I knew was going on inside of me until I found a safe place to release it all. You would think that in that release there would be freedom, and there was, but there was also more that needed to be released. I am still working through those things.<br />I look at myself in light of the cross and cringe at my flesh; not even my flesh, I cringe at myself! Why would God pay such a high price for me? Me the one who runs from him? The one who deliberatly turns my face from Him, who chooses death over life willingly... Why would He have chosen me? You can tell me it is simply because He loves me. The creator finds joy in His creation... but my heart breaks inside of me when I admit to myself that I act as if I dont even know Him.<br />I hear His voice. I KNOW His voice... I feel the pull of His spirit... Is it possible that I know all of things about Him but that I myself have never really known Him? I know my sin I ask for forgiveness, but I have never stood before His cross naked and allowed myself to just stand there and allow Him to heal and touch. Is that possible?<br />It shakes the deepest part of my soul to think that there is valid truth in what i just wrote, and to write in a place where I know it will be visible to others around me.<br />I want truth...<br />I want boldness to admit truth...<br />To admit the darkest parts of my soul that satan has claimed by fear of rejection...<br />I want truth...Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01123935348503092506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4434819986151442557.post-12968532812838990612007-12-20T23:31:00.001-08:002007-12-20T23:43:21.173-08:00WritingI have gone back and forth on what to choose as my major course of study throughout my time at Biola. The problem is that I don't know what I want to do. It is begining to become a bit clearer. I spent the sum of my time directly out of high school learning first hand the concept that God can use an uneducated person. So, I suppose this relates to my previous dream of starting an orphanage. While I am not sure what exactly is to become of this dream I am certain that God can accomplish this apart from my education. I am not sure if this dream has been put to death or just laid to slumber. when I see the faces of the children my heart still breaks. However, God has made one thing clear... He is faithful to them apart from me. He does not need me.<br />The second option for my major was english with an emphasis on writing. I enjoy writing; I love stories. I fear that if I studied this I would no longer enjoy the past time. That what was once a pleasure will become work. I dread the thought of loosing a passion to a demand.<br />I do know however, that writing has been something I have also dreamed of. I suppose I dream of a lot of things. Perhaps I am one who can attend university for the rest of my life. I never want to stop learning. I wish not only to write, but be able to write my own work in multiple languages. Not for the title nor the accomplishment... While the blood of a martyr affects the generation at hand it is the telling of the story that keeps the very passion of the martyr alive and therefore affecting the generations to come, forever. I wish to affect each generation in a passionate way. That my writing might have cause. That the cause for which I write might create an affect that resounds for eternity.<br />So, I suppose that I have decided what I want to study. Hm, go figure.Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01123935348503092506noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4434819986151442557.post-11113484049820668202007-12-18T18:20:00.000-08:002007-12-18T18:27:02.347-08:00blah...Today was kind of a blah day... I suppose that all of you know the kind of day i am talking about. I didn't sleep well last night, and so I'm sure that affected the rest of my day. Then this afternoon I attempted to take a nap and that made it worse! It felt like Finals week all over again!<br /><br />So while I was awake the Lord was dealing with me on a couple issues that apparently need to be addressed. However, I cannot identify what exactly those issues are. I hate it when I hear His voice and know what He is saying, but dont exactly know how to identify where it is applicable. I wrote down some verses that He gave me, but just have scattered thoughts about them.<br /><br />My issue at the moment is that I just dont believe the promises. I dont believe what other people say to me either. Like it's just not real. It just wont last... you know?<br /><br />I suppose the truth be that I believe the lies, and the truth seems to get stuck somewhere between my head and my heart.Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01123935348503092506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4434819986151442557.post-89354814759665936852007-12-17T23:28:00.001-08:002007-12-17T23:31:38.988-08:00enchantedSo, I just saw the movie Enchanted... it was AMAZING! I laughed my head off... Totally cheezy but perfect for a drama geek like myself. However, It left me thinking... do dreams really come true? Is there really a "prince charming" out there for me? I seem to be the one who does not believe in happy endings but only for myself. you know? like they seem to work out for everyone else... maybe its juts cause Im not to the end yet?<br />We shall see again!Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01123935348503092506noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4434819986151442557.post-43248823601691137402007-12-17T19:50:00.000-08:002007-12-17T19:57:32.491-08:00Letting goLetting go seems to be a pattern that I have weitnessed throughout the last few weeks. I have seen people loose family to cancer, loose children to car accidents and loose friends. I have experienced it myself.<br />The hardest story of them all most recently was the loss of my good friends dad. I didn't know him, but I know I prayed hard for him. Now the struggle is watching her let go. Her dad was a christian and is with the Father in heaven, but the process of letting go for those of us down here is hard.<br />Heart ache is such a real thing. It has a lasting effect that seems to fade but never fully go away. It is something that is experienced but doesnt ever seem to be understood. It cuts deep.<br />I'm not sure what I am going to be faced with to let go, but I know that something is definentally coming. God has given me lesson over lesson to watch and to listen to His heart about letting go. Which usually means that my turn is coming. So, Im preparing. praying that my heart will be softened. not that I am going to loose someone but for sure that I am going to be called to let go.<br /><br />We shall wait and see! :)Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01123935348503092506noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4434819986151442557.post-81278291760611108192007-12-12T15:46:00.000-08:002007-12-12T16:06:05.982-08:00running shoesI am a runner, and I dont mean the sense of actually running. I mean I run away. I cant handle intimacy on any level for fear of being hurt. Ironcally that is not only what I seem to need the most. I admitted outloud a few days ago that after four months of living at school, and builder closer relationships with the people around me I dont want to run. The day after I admitted this I was flooded and overwhelmed with fear of failure, fear of being let down, fear of letting people down, probably the most intense letting myself down! Like I did when i was a child I closed my eyes to it. Hoping that in someway it would disappear and I could open them again. It didn't go anywhere. Out of desperation, I suppose, I continually said outloud that I still did not want to run. The intensity of my emotions again overwhelmed me. Then God spoke," This is not the devil doing this to you. It is me. This is not about you not running when you dont want to. This is about showing you what happens when you stay even when you dont want to."<br />I didnt really know how to answer. I just sat that stunned how could God do this to me?! Now even He was agianst me!!! He spoke again," Jamie you have lived your entire life with me as the anchor of your soul. I have kept you safe, and taught you. I have never neglected your needs. I have not failed you... It's time we face this issue together." I stopped and closed my eyes and prayed right then and there... I prayed something that God allowed me to share with a person brief moments before... when you are fighting stop and pray and ask the Lord where to draw the line in the dirt. when you draw a line in the dirt between you and another person you place them on a side against you, but to stop most fights we simply have to realize that the line is drawn with both of us on the same side. Suddenly I was using this with the Lord. He was on my side and I needed to remember that.<br />So, once again I find myself wanting to run away from the intimacy of the people around me. but I am trapped. there is no escape from my fear. There is no haven from this storm. Then I thought of Peter. Peter was at a point in his life when he was trapped. He was in the middle of a sea and there was a huge storm, and he was afraid. Then to make things worse he looks out to the water and sees what the disciples believe to be a ghost. So, peter testing the spirit gets out of the boat and walks on water to it! He didn't run from his fear, he faced it. Did that stop the storm? No Peter had to walk through the crashing waves with the Lord at his side before the Lord stopped the storm.<br />then another person came to mind who wanted. Jonah. Except Jonah actually did run... he didnt get very far, but he ran! the Lord gave both of these men something that was bigger than they were. Something that they both shook in their boots about! Not to stress them out, or to scare them, but to impart a piece of his power in the midst of their weakness.<br />Moses wanted to run when the Lord called him.... through God's strength Moses led the israelites faithfully, and never even got to enter the promised land!<br />The Rich young ruler wanted to run... and in his fear of status he left an opportunity to receive an inheritance he could never build for himself.<br />Jamie Nielsen wants to run... but instead she is going to stand and face her fear.<br />I am aware that I might fail. I might make a mistake, maybe thats what I need, to see that my mistakes will not drive people away from me.<br />I guess when all else fails, take up the whole armor of God, and stand!<br />Lord impart to me a piece of your power that I might better know you as my king, and that I might serve you more faithfully and effectively as my father...Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01123935348503092506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4434819986151442557.post-12012763879701647552007-12-11T13:58:00.001-08:002007-12-11T13:59:21.676-08:00New PoemI just wrote this, cause it is right where I am... right now!<br />I actually really like this one!<br /><br />Its called- The fist<br /><br />There is a silent battle<br />That rages in the night<br />Faces from the nightmares<br />Fade when faced with light<br />No fist could overthrow them<br />Victory is yet to come<br />In the midst of silent stillness<br />Are the whispered lies of one<br />The one whose goal is destruction<br />To ruin me in the end<br />His voice is smooth yet angry<br />Nothing like that of a friend<br />The taunting laughter rises<br />As he shows me what could be<br />The what ifs of my future<br />Everything that could happen to me<br />Gagged by mouth there’s silence<br />And closed eyes cannot see<br />Yet as laughter rises<br />Boldness rises in me<br />I was not created<br />To be battered and beaten down<br />I am not here to fight you<br />My mind is not your play ground<br />In his pride he steps forward<br />As I rise to my feet<br />In disbelief he looks around<br />“Are you messing with me?”<br />For the first time in forever<br />I open my mouth to him<br />“Maybe you’ve got this all wrong,” I say<br />“this fear is misdirected”<br />“If for one moment you knew me”<br />“You would recognize my name”<br />“and remember where you saw it written”<br />“on the palm of a risen king”<br />“For in fear I have sat night after night”<br />“Dreading my very past”<br />“Now I rise to my feet and stand here”<br />“I’m going to call out to my dad”<br />“It is not me you should fear, sir”<br />“it’s the fist with my name in his hand.”Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01123935348503092506noreply@blogger.com0