no news...

i really just dont have anything to write about... school, cheer, life... same ol same ol...

Wall art

So life in a dorm can be pretty lame sometimes... ok maybe not for most people! But I seem to have this issue with the fact that I'm never really included. It used to bug me, but lately I just find things to do... I made curtains for my bed... I made a couch cover... I decorate the room, and then this girl on my hall made mention of the fact that we can draw on our walls using washable crayons... I must admit I got really excited! I have nothing else to do, and that sounded fun... so, I got me some washable crayons... and I drew and I drew and I drew... now I'm not at ALL artistic... ask my roommate... I am thrifty and creative, but artistic is a far cry from describing me...
So I just decided to put music on and have fun while I colored... Well this is what came out...











































They are kind of hard to see being that I dont have a good camera and the flash kept reflecting off the wall... but the first one is based on the verse Proverbs 4:23 guard your heart with all diligence for out of it spring the issues of life... it is a heart with the crown of thorns guarding it from the strike of the serpent...

The second is a cross that represents John 8:32... which says and you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.... it has different things that people can be in bondage to. The chains, the crown, the books, the bottle.... religion (the necklace)... and the growth at the bototm of the tree represents the fact that life is found at the foot of the cross...

The third is my picture of peace... It represents Genesis 1:31 where God looked down from heaven saw everything that he had made and said, "Indeed it is very good." its a lake with a little sunrise, and a boat with a fishing pole... just peaceful and pretty... I like it!

So, go buy some washable crayons and draw on your walls! it makes for a fun day!

new beginings

So this was the first week of school for the new spring semester. I know that starting over is always hard, because let's face it how many times have I had to start fresh in a new place all over again. I think we decided the average for my life was like 6 months or something.

So, I'm in that place again. I am in a new dorm, new classes, and have some new friends. I am back to the place I am always brought back to where God whispers in my ear, "Just be who I made you to be..." That is my struggle. Being myself. I have come down with a case of massive social anxiety, and the thought of having to say my name in a seeting with more than 4 people makes my herat start to pound! Ironic being that I won so many speech competitions in high school.

Then I find myself back here at my computer sucked into my writings. When I have something to say I just type it up and post it somewhere... Either here or on our hall floor folder; thats funny, because no one knows who the really smart girl is that keeps posting these challenging devotions! :) I like it that way.

Anyway, classes are excellent! I am already itching to get started on them all... I cant wait! Its not just the classes, but my teachers this semester are really into their classes not just as a subject but in the students! I cant wait to see how God moves amonst the people in my classes.

community, it has been a major pull in my life for quite awhile now. If you havent read my ramblings about community go look for them... EVERYONE needs to read them!!! Anyway, I am having a hard time getting into it. It feels already established and like they look at me with eyes that say, "Who is that girl?" And I get stuck with that question in mind... Who am I? Who I am to be to them? Obviously I know I am to be everything Jesus was to us, but am I to be their prophet? Am I to be their Love? Am I to be their thorne in their flesh? what will this year bring me to be to them.

I dont know... but I cant wait to just watch the plans of the Lord unfold before me... I love to see His handy work!

Expectations

I have been thinking over expectations... You know when you put on your headphones and sit back and just watch... I sat outside on the grass today, partly because I was too sore to move, and partly because I was penssive.
I started think about cheering at the game last night... I have a black eye and bruises all over my leg, and not because we did anything wrong, but the wounds are simply proof that we did everythign right... my backspot gripped my leg so tightly she gave me bruises... when I was caught on the way down i got a fist in my face that gave me a black eye... i got a cut on my wrist because I stayed tight on the way down in my show and go and caught someone's bobby pin... and it clicked... sometimes what is good is not what we expect.
As I layed back and looked up at the sky I started thinking... who would have thought that we use the stars to represent freedom, shoot for the stars we say... but yet in the midst of LA in the midst of a country so controlled by freedom, we have lost sight of the stars... we have become enslaved to freedom itself! sad...
I am going to be bold and type some things on here I must admit I'm not sure I want everyone reading, for once in the life of this blog I am praying that the only people who really read this is Rose and Char... ;)
I had expectations for my life... I had it all planned... and I let go of that when I tried out for cheer here at Biola, and I am happy. I am going to college, something I thought would never happen! I am a flyer on a college cheer team, something I never thought was possible! I am building into community, slowly but strongly... making firm foundations, and I never knew it could be as great as it is!
I met some girls on my floor last night and I let go of my social anxieties and I had a lot of fun... It was like being able to breath again after you choke really hard on something...
I had a picture in my mind of what love would look like... and instead of surrendering it the Jesus I went looking for it... I looked for it for a long time! I fought for it even, but then, I surrendered my expectations and it seems as though love has found me. Not at all what I tohught it would look like. Not at all what I thought it would be, but it makes so much more sense than what I was looking for...
I suppose the Jews missed their messiah because he was not who they expected. I suppose that the slaves freed from the south did not expect that the underground railroad they heard about would be led and established by a woman, or who would have expected Rahab to be involved in the plot siding with the God of the universe. I suppose the outcome was not expected when they split the first atom...
Expectations hold us back from the Bigger things God has in store... sometimes all we have to do is surrender our expectations and watch as God pours out all the things He had in store! Just a thought... what do you think?

adopt a soldier

Ok, so, my roommate and I have adopted a soldier. We dont have a name or an address yet, but I am really excited. My ex-boyfriend was in the Army and deployed, and I did a pretty good job of sending him what he needed (or wanted mostly). Being so closely connected with so many soldiers myself I know the struggle they face mentally being in such a place. Esp. the soldiers on the front lines. So, if you have a few extra stamps a month I think you should all adopt a soldier and make it a family project... have the kids draw pictures and every other week just drop it in the mail. The best part are those flat rate boxes... whatever you can shove in them you can send for like 8 bucks! so once a month spend 15 bucks on a box and once a week drop a letter in the mail! it will make their day! and if you get a soldier who can write back that is even more amazing, because it become stotally educational! So, Char, Rose, and uhhh any of you Biola students who have a few bucks to spare (and dont pretend like you dont it's like 41 cents to mail something!)... go to www.soldiersangels.com and sign up to recieve your new ministry opportunity!!! ;)

Revelation of the day!

ok, so today while I was making some disgusting dorm food... you know? Easy Mac?! SICK right? I know I know... well, first of all I didnt know we had a full kitchen down stairs! so on our hall we only have this little counter and a microwave and a sink... well, today while Im making my easy mac something smelled so good, and someone had left their water pot in the sink so I assumed someone made osme instant soup. Then while I was stirring in the cheese and thinking this is so unnatural... I looke to my left, and there on the counter was the most engenious idea I have yet to come across at Biola... A CROCK POT!
HELLO? Someone hand that girl a check for some money, because that is so smart! I mean think about it... you throw your chicken and your veggies in in the morning, and put it on slow cook and come back and you have dinner!!!! And it smelled so good... I wish i wish I could have a good healthy home cooked meal! sigh...
I am buying a crock pot!

in·som·ni·a- /ɪnˈsɒmniə/ [in-som-nee-uh]

Insomnia- inability to obtain sufficient sleep, esp. when chronic; difficulty in falling or staying asleep; sleeplessness...

I have these spells of sleeplessness that seem to take place every week or so. I will become completely exhausted from them, and then sleep really well for 3 days or so, and then return to my insomnia. Even when I believe myself to be getting a good nights sleep I have been informed I do not. Apparently I talk and walk, and even eat in my sleep! and when I do remain in my bed I am consciously thinking even while I am asleep if that is possible. I will sit up every hour or so and check to make sure the clock is still telling me it is the middle of the night and you are still not sleeping.

I thought I slept better than I did until I was in Fresno over Christmas and after a few nights of sleeplessness decided to accept the offer a sleep aid. I woke up nine hours later... I still am in complete disbelief that that is how normal people sleep! I am now serisouly contemplating the idea of using aids to sleep on a regular basis.

I used to be afraid of the night time. The darkness the shadows... I can recall playing too many games of sardines with the big kids, and hearing too many ghost stories on camping trips! However, last night while I was unable to sleep I left my room and went outside to go for a walk in the night air. It was smooth and refreshing (there are not many times a person can say that about the air in Los Angeles). I couldnt help but sigh when I became distracted by a fear of a dark section in the bushes, and then I simply shrugged it off being to tired to even give into the emotion of fear itself. and I just looked to the bush and walked right through it, and then as I stood on the other side I looked back at it, and kind of chuckled to myself... nothing there!

I dont know why i am telling you this, maybe because I am exhausted and wish to sleep but cant help in my bed eyes wide and think. I think too much. I plan too much. I worry too much! I suppose that when things like this very walk take place it gives me a little glimmer of hope that God is making progress in my life. So, I simply share them...

rose since you are the only person who reads these I suppose I should just start writing to you.
I was thinking, as I looked at the pictures of your kids, how long you have known me. Junior high school I believe. We would sit on that front sectional couch and you would have your hair in those two pigtail buns and you would always make sure I was brought back to focus when I started to drift away into ADD land... And I can remember my joy, and my fearlessness... I was happy. I had Jesus and the rest of life could have gone to hell in a hand basket... Where did I go? When did I loose myself, that now I have the greater struggle of reclaiming who I am in Christ...

I suppose that is the source of my insomnia. I am fighting with all of my being to live in Christ. I am glad that that is my struggle. Life in Christ; I suppose it is more of a blessing than anything else when you think about it. Well, sleep well to you all.... I am off to watch the stars shine!