consumed

Well, yesterday a good friend of mine made a mistake that has not happened in a long time... she gave me iced tea... the bad part was that it was good iced tea... it was full of ceffeine... so I drank my tea at about 2 pm and at about 2 am I was still kickin full of it! even this morning I could still feel the effects of the stuff! Moral of the story... dont give Jamie caffeine!

anyway, I realized something about myself today. I always find myself in a cycle that leads back to this low point of asking the question who am I? Who am I? I struggle with this overwhelming frustration of not being able to share my story, because I dont know who I am. I dont know what defines me. I can give you all the Bible verses of what defines me; that i am hidden in Christ, that I am complete in Him. but I am being real here when I say that He has given us all gifts and abilities and characteristics that set us apart from one another. So, who am I?

Then i realized something. I have always defined myself by the other people. by my brother, by my parents, by my friends and my teammates. But I am not them. I am, me.

So I guess it flowed over from yesterdays lesson of being the best we can be at what we do. I was thinking about the things I struggle with and how they speak into who I am. because my struggle shows a lot of my heart. I live boldly and love deeply. I sing in the shower. I am adventerous. Why is that so wierd, because those things all have a direct struggle that is attached to them. I am scared of commitment and scared of receiving love, because I am afraid of rejection and being let down. I am scared to sing in the shower because people might insult my praise. I am afraid of the unknown because I might get hurt. Fear is once again holding back all of the things that I so deeply desire.

Satan wraps a rope of fear around each specific that speaks in to who I am. He does not want me to be me, because if I were free to be me, I might have an effect on the people around me, and then I might create change for the kingdom of God, and place praise where praise is due. At the feet of throne of Christ!

My challenge is this. You are hidden Christ, and you are complete in Him, but realize that your life is hidden in Him, that does not mean that when you come to Him you stop living... it means you thrive all the more in who you are knowing that He fills in where you lack. That His strength is made perfect in your weakness...

Satan will lie directly to the areas of our lives where we might be bold and confident to hold us back from accomplishing great things for the kingdom...

Faith is not tame it is raw... It is faith that overcomes the world... 1 John 5:4-5
John the Baptised.. Martin Luther... they were not educated nor crafted or taught how to create necessary change. they had faith... believeing in what was not and stepped out to make it seen... Fiath is to believe in what you can not see the reward for faith is to see what you believe.

AW Tozer was a self taught theologian; raw untamed passion that Christ used for an amazing worldwide impact...

I want that kind of passion... raw and untamed... even to change and impact the life of one person!