Scattered thoughts

So, as I was sitting here trying to study I am completely distracted... which as you all know is not too difficult to believe for me. :) I am always distracted. Today i am distracted with things that are more burdensome than normal. I am stuck on my lack of excellence.
Not just my lack of excellence, but Christian's in general. When did it become ok to not strive to be the best at what we were doing? To live "normal" lives. If the world, apart from God, strives to make themselves succeed for their own greatness, then why dont we as Christians strive to be excellent to make the greatness of God known?
At a christian University I am taken back by the amount of studying that is done of what other people have studied about the Bible. It goes back so many generations... this person studied from this person who studied from this person... but was it not the holy spirit who gave the original thought and application. Was it not the Holy Spirit who gave the words to write the Bible in the first place?! Do we not have that Holy Spirit inside of us? So, then why do we not make the efforts to pursue Christ in such a way that would drive us to study and read on our own?
This at the moment flows over into my perspective of cheerleading... why am I afraid to be great at something?
Why do I live under a fear of being excellent? Should I not pursue that so that my excellence might be attributed to Christ's power in me?
I don't want to live my life bound by fear. Fear is such a debilitating obsession. it consumes not only what your choices are about situtaions, but who you are in those situations. I am sick of being afraid. I want to be bold. I want to be excellent for the sake of the one who has shown excellence for me.