in·som·ni·a- /ɪnˈsɒmniə/ [in-som-nee-uh]

Insomnia- inability to obtain sufficient sleep, esp. when chronic; difficulty in falling or staying asleep; sleeplessness...

I have these spells of sleeplessness that seem to take place every week or so. I will become completely exhausted from them, and then sleep really well for 3 days or so, and then return to my insomnia. Even when I believe myself to be getting a good nights sleep I have been informed I do not. Apparently I talk and walk, and even eat in my sleep! and when I do remain in my bed I am consciously thinking even while I am asleep if that is possible. I will sit up every hour or so and check to make sure the clock is still telling me it is the middle of the night and you are still not sleeping.

I thought I slept better than I did until I was in Fresno over Christmas and after a few nights of sleeplessness decided to accept the offer a sleep aid. I woke up nine hours later... I still am in complete disbelief that that is how normal people sleep! I am now serisouly contemplating the idea of using aids to sleep on a regular basis.

I used to be afraid of the night time. The darkness the shadows... I can recall playing too many games of sardines with the big kids, and hearing too many ghost stories on camping trips! However, last night while I was unable to sleep I left my room and went outside to go for a walk in the night air. It was smooth and refreshing (there are not many times a person can say that about the air in Los Angeles). I couldnt help but sigh when I became distracted by a fear of a dark section in the bushes, and then I simply shrugged it off being to tired to even give into the emotion of fear itself. and I just looked to the bush and walked right through it, and then as I stood on the other side I looked back at it, and kind of chuckled to myself... nothing there!

I dont know why i am telling you this, maybe because I am exhausted and wish to sleep but cant help in my bed eyes wide and think. I think too much. I plan too much. I worry too much! I suppose that when things like this very walk take place it gives me a little glimmer of hope that God is making progress in my life. So, I simply share them...

rose since you are the only person who reads these I suppose I should just start writing to you.
I was thinking, as I looked at the pictures of your kids, how long you have known me. Junior high school I believe. We would sit on that front sectional couch and you would have your hair in those two pigtail buns and you would always make sure I was brought back to focus when I started to drift away into ADD land... And I can remember my joy, and my fearlessness... I was happy. I had Jesus and the rest of life could have gone to hell in a hand basket... Where did I go? When did I loose myself, that now I have the greater struggle of reclaiming who I am in Christ...

I suppose that is the source of my insomnia. I am fighting with all of my being to live in Christ. I am glad that that is my struggle. Life in Christ; I suppose it is more of a blessing than anything else when you think about it. Well, sleep well to you all.... I am off to watch the stars shine!