The Way to Freedom

Ok, I know I haven't written in ahwile... GASP! I am actually posting something!!!

It has taken me awhile to learn this lesson, and so that is why I have not written. I ahve been wrestling and rolling around with some issues that the Lord has been addressing in my heart.

The past few months I have been struggling. I have struggled with who I am? Why am I here? What is this teaching me? What does the Lord have for me? When I am faced with BIG decisions I learn BIG lessons. Instead of living my life based on the questions I have been wrestling around with I chose to kinda step back and watch other people live life while I prayed through these things. Not that I stopped living... I just decided to be quiet and sit down and just watch.

I noticed some interesting things. I have been stuck in this place of looking at my heart and mourning my sin, being broken before the cross, feeling frustrated at why I just cant be victorious over certain things. It has sucked!

So a few nigths ago I was looking at my wall, and the art that I had drawn. At the foot of my bed is a cross that has all of these things hanging from it... chains, beer bottles, books... a crown... anything that a person could possibly be enslaved to. Then written above it in bold letters is says freedom!

A few things crossed my mind as God poured thoughts into my mind... first, Where are all the people who were in bondage to those things? They are not before the cross... Who is before the cross? I realized that I live my life before the Cross... My worship comes from a place of before the cross... (this might not make sense now, but it will if you keep reading). My communion comes from a place of before the cross... I am before the cross with a lot of other people, and it is before the cross that I seek out my God. But it isnt in looking at the cross that leads me to despair in my own sin. Its when I start looking around and comparing myself with others that I find myself despairing because I am not good and I am not capable!

then I closed my eyes and started praying. The cross was not about me. Jesus did not die for ME... He died because it glorified the Father. the Father's purpose was not for my reward either! It was so that I can glorify Him as well! FREELY! As I was praying God gave me this picture of me holding my herat weeping over myself before the cross... and then all of the people were gone... So i left seeking comfort for myself as I mourned my heart.

I found myself at the tomb... I went inside and yelled out in pain, "WHO AM I?" and the echo of emptiness answered back.... "It doesn't matter..." I did this a few times then I turned and realized where I was... Look at His power! He rose! Look at His willingness! He died! Look at His grace! He was Silent! WHO AM I... I ask.... and He answers... "It doesnt matter! It is all about who I am!"

It is so easy to be stuck in the place before the cross with our heart in our hands... Mourning ourselves. We are so easily stuck on the pursuit of understanding who we are. We are not found at the cross, we are not found in the tomb... we are only found in HIM, because it doesnt matter who we are! Its who HE is... He is not found at the cross... He is not found in the tomb... He is not limited to space... He is alive... seek HIM in everything...

Those chains and bottles and books on the cross on my wall belonged to people who relaized that who they were and the things they were enslaved to didnt matter anymore, because God is so much greater! Thats why I didnt find them standing before the cross mourning their wickedness... they found the tomb and realized that He is alive! and went and sought after His life; they didnt seek after His death... That is the way to freedom.